let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
