if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
