He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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