i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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