i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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