I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
