Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
