and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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