party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
