I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
