Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
