I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
