I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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