there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
