Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wear drunk well.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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