The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
