yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
