So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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