I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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