I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
