I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My vagina is officially offended.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
