I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
