well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
