I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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