Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
