I've blown a few things in my day
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
