This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
