Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
