So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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