if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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