is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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