You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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