party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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