see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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