I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
