Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
