She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I AM VODKA MAN
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
