chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
