Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
