i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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