i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
