living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
