I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
