Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
