i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
