I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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