It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
