So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
