Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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