....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
