So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize