My underwear smells like fireworks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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