You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
