My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
