I think im going to throw up on grandma
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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