Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
