I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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