The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
