yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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