Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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