just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
