Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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