real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
