So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
