Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
