you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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