do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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