I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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