Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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