Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I love having hate sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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