She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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