my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
