the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
